Charming the Snake Read online

  He hunted desperately for underpants for five minutes, knowing he didn’t have any, but trying to find some way to please her.

  Maybe when they had sex next time, he could --

  Whoa. This was a one-time thing; he knew it; she knew it. So what was the matter with him, already trying to get her into bed again? She’d go back to her life and he’d go back to his and, by God, that’s the way things were supposed to be.

  Right?

  Chapter Nine

  “I’m really sorry,” he said again, but Gladys cut him off with a wave of her hand.

  “For the fifth time, don’t worry about it. I could have asked to stay, and I didn’t. It isn’t all on you.”

  “You know, I’ve never done it with a norm before.”

  “Yes, I gathered.”

  “It was great! I mean, you were great.”

  “Thank you.” Great, he says. Yes, great. Just really great. She bit her lip and looked out the passenger-side window -- Jasper had insisted on driving her car -- and tried not to snap at him.

  Great, was it? That was putting it mildly. The feel of him, slick and hard, filling her up; the look on his face, his hands stroking the small of her back, his groans and loss of control... wildly flattering, wildly shattering.

  She would love to go again, now that he would be able to last a bit longer, would love to take him to bed on her warm flannel sheets for about the next six hours, then make bread pudding for breakfast and watch one of her Wheel of Fortune discs.

  Clearly, not in the cards. It was almost a relief he’d turned out to be such a swine. It made tricking him so much easier.

  “... good thing, too, huh?”

  “What?”

  “I said, good thing this wasn’t a hundred years ago -- I mean, we just went wham bam. In the olden days, you could be knocked up.”

  Here was a chance for revenge, gold-plated; she went for it like a hound went for a rabbit. “I still could be.”

  He laughed.

  “No, really. I’ve been on the Pill for the last few weeks, and I’m ovulating right now.”

  “You’ve been what and you’re what?”

  “Oh, I think you heard me.” She folded her arms across her chest and tried not to wince as he ran the red light. It was clear, since he was staring at her, he didn’t even see the red light.

  “Maybe I should drive.”

  “You’re on the Pill? You got the exam and permission and all that?”

  “Yes.”

  “But... but I’m still on city water.” Shaken, he seemed to be trying to give himself good news. “It only works if both of us are taking it, right?”

  “That’s what they tell us, isn’t it? But anyone with a little education can figure out the lie. Jaz, it’s much, much easier to repress ovulation in a woman than repress sperm production in a man. The water being necessary for both is just an urban legend; the Pill being necessary for both for a baby is a lie.”

  “What -- what are you -- I don’t get it.”

  “The contraceptive in the water prevents women from ovulating... which is something their bodies do naturally anyway, when they’re pregnant. The Pill counteracts the stuff in the water, so they -- I -- ovulate, I have an egg ready to fertilize, and if I pick the right candidate at the right time, I could get pregnant.”

  “But you --” Another red light flashed by; luckily, no one was on the streets at this hour. “You didn’t tell me!”

  “No,” she agreed. “In fact, you might say I tricked you.”

  “So you might have a baby? My baby?”

  “Might.”

  “That’s disgusting!”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Disgusting?”

  He stood on the brakes and the car came to a smoking, sudden stop. He turned to look at her, and his eyes were like coals burst to flame, a demon’s eyes, and for a second, she was scared of easygoing Jaz. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

  “Because you’re a pig and a snob, and I don’t want you -- I want your genetics.”

  “But I don’t want a baby with a norm!”

  “This is what being a snob is.”

  “My baby -- it might not even be evolved. It might be like you!”

  “Also what being a snob is.”

  “Goddammit!” he roared, pounding his fists on the steering wheel. The back window shattered, but she didn’t flinch -- barely. “You bitch, you cheat!”

  “Cheer up,” she said flatly. “Maybe the baby will be a mute.”

  “Raised by you in B-Block? Raised to look down on us and think up ways to lock us up? No fucking thank you. You bitch.” His eyes narrowed, slits of fire. “I hate you.”

  “You don’t even know me. And that’s the problem. Take a left at the stop light; don’t run this one.”

  “Forget it. Get out!”

  “But it’s my car.”

  “Tough noogies. Out!”

  She shrugged and moved her hand toward the door handle, but he grabbed her by the shoulder and said, “Don’t do that!”

  “What?”

  He started the car and darted down the next few blocks. “This is a shitty neighborhood; I’m not dropping you off in a shitty... here!” He hit the breaks again. Gladys wondered if the airbags would deploy. “Get out here.”

  “All right.”

  “No, wait!” Another few blocks, then, “Here! No, wait!”

  After a minute, she pointed. “That’s my building.”

  “Fine, now get out!”

  At last, he let her. She stood by the window and said, “It’s been a fun evening.”

  He shook a fist at her. “You’ve ruined scavenger hunts for me.” Then he was roaring away from her -- well, as loudly as the efficient electric engine would allow.

  She stood in the street and laughed and laughed, and after a moment, her laughter turned to sobs, but it felt the same, inside.

  Chapter Ten

  “Can you believe it? Can you fucking believe it?”

  “Well, I can believe any guy would fall into bed with any woman, because you’re all just pitiful when it comes to sex. But it’s weird to think that Dr. Loder would be interested in one of us.” His friend Jody took another sip of the beer, which had been flat for hours, and grimaced. “No accounting for taste, I guess, and who brought the beer this time? Yerrgh.”

  “That’s what I said!”

  “You said yerrgh?”

  “No, I thought it was weird she was interested in a mute. But she’s all ‘everyone’s equal, it doesn’t matter, the important thing is a healthy baby’ and... I kind of missed the rest; I was plenty pissed.”

  “Still, that’s something.” Jody smoothed her brunette wig. Jaz knew that she was completely hairless, that her hair, eyebrows, and even eyelashes were fake. They’d jumped into the sack together a few times, more out of loneliness than desire, but this was better. Friends was better. “Out of all the people she could have picked, she picked you.”

  “I was just a convenient cock, a drippy dick, a --”

  “I get where you’re going with this,” Jody said dryly. “Look, Jaz, it’s not her fault she doesn’t get it. She can’t, okay? She’s not the one worried about the government or Brennan and his goons --”

  “Brennan’s dead.”

  “Get out!” she gasped.

  “Swear. Jamie Day told me.”

  Jody dismissed Jamie with a wave of her hand. “She lies like rugs.”

  “Not to me. Anyway, Brennan’s dead. And I see your point. Gladys doesn’t get it. Her ‘we’re all equal’ shit just doesn’t cut it, because we aren’t.”

  “Because you can do things she can’t. Because you’re genetically superior to her.”

  “Well...”

  “Wow, you are a snob!”

  “I’m a realist.”

  “Because most people would think she’s lowering herself to have a baby with you. When you think you’re lowering yourself to have a baby with her.”

  Jaz said nothing.<
br />
  “Wow, no wonder she was mad!”

  “Hey, hey, this is about me being the victim, if you don’t mind.”

  “Poor thing. You got laid, won the contest, and maybe you’ll have a baby with the smartest, most compassionate woman any of us have ever met. What a living hell your life must be.”

  “But she tricked me,” he whined.

  “And she came to the party how, exactly? Did you send her an invitation?”

  Silence.

  “Look, there might not be a baby, number one. It’s not a guarantee. Even married couples with permission from the state and all the meds they need, even they sometimes try for months and months. So you might be totally off the hook.”

  “No baby?” He was shocked. Then shocked he was shocked. “But she really wants one.”

  Jody threw up her hands; beer spilled everywhere. “Jesus, Jaz, make up your tiny little mind, willya? Are you mad at her, do you like her, want to help her, want to kill her, want to fuck her, what? What?”

  “Well, what if she isn’t pregnant?”

  “Then next month she’ll find someone else. Someone who won’t be such an asshole about it.” Jody took another sip of flat beer. “I mean, she could hardly do worse...”

  “My ass!”

  “Just once,” she sighed, adjusting her black tank top, “I’d like to have a conversation with you that doesn’t involve your ass or my tits.”

  “Never mind your tits. If she wants to have a baby so bad, fine, but she should talk to me about it.”

  “Why? I’m sure your horror and disgust came through loud and clear to her. You’ll be lucky if she ever talks to you again.”

  “But she tricked me. She was the sneaky one!”

  “Yep. It was real easy for her, too, I noticed. She’s not one to let an opportunity slip by, that’s for sure.” Jody made the comment with total admiration. “I mean, she was here, pissed, then you guys were in your bedroom, probably not so pissed...”

  “Right, see how sneaky and evil she is?”

  “See how she does the best she can, just like any of us?”

  “What, you’re on her side? Jody, she’s a norm! She’s the kind of people who want to lock all of us up!”

  “Dr. Loder would stick a gun in her ear before she’d try to have any of us locked up, and you know that. She gave you a gift, you mute motherfucker. She basically said, ‘I’m not getting any younger; I want a baby; I want your baby.’ And you threw it in her face.”

  “I didn’t exactly throw...” he mumbled.

  “Oh, don’t even start with that sad shit.”

  “She is kind of cute. If you like them tall and bony with eyes the color of good chocolate.”

  “And brilliant, and devoted to the community, and with determination in spades. God, I hate that type. I guess you’d prefer some scumshank from the neighborhood.”

  “Jody!” He was honestly shocked. If a non-mute had used the word, he would have punched them in the face. Repeatedly.

  “Hey, if the girls around here were so great, you’d have settled down ages ago. But they drive you crazy. I’m the only one you ever liked, and we were more fuckbuddies than, you know, in a relationship. At least -- at least with Dr. Loder, you could have a baby.”

  “But... I never wanted one.”

  “Yeah, but you could. None of us on our own would pass the screening tests. But if what you told me is true, you don’t have to pass anything. You just have to keep having sex with Dr. Loder.”

  “Okay, okay. Will you take me to her?”

  “What, now? I’m supposed to play Naked Twister downstairs with the guys.”

  He grabbed her hand. “Later.”

  “If I pop us over there, and pop me back, I’ll be way too tired to --”

  “I’ll owe you, okay?”

  “Fucking right you will, buddy-punk,” she muttered, and squeezed his hand, and the apartment disappeared in a white roar inside his skull.

  Chapter Eleven

  Gladys had just gotten ready for bed when there was an extraordinarily loud pop! from her living room. It was a sound unlike any she had ever heard.

  Gods, what is it now?

  She hurried out of the bathroom, down the short hall, and found Jaz and that cute brunette from the party -- Jody, that was it -- staggering around her living room like two drunks on a bender.

  “Your power sucks,” he groaned.

  “Got us here, didn’t it?” Jody moaned, and let go of him so she could collapse on the couch.

  “What’s wrong? Are you two sick?”

  “He’ll be throwing up for about five minutes,” Jody said. “But remember, he asked me to do it. I was happy to play Naked Twister.” She staggered to her feet and popped out of sight. Literally popped; Gladys realized the sound was the noise of air rushing in to fill the space she’d just occupied.

  “I’m just taking the bus next time, I swear to -- urp!”

  Quick as thought, she hauled Jaz to his feet and hustled him down the hallway -- she’d just had the carpeting done and had no desire to do it again. He made it to the bathroom, barely.

  “So anyway... I thought... after I talked to Jody... don’t worry, she’s very... discreet...” All said between heaves. Gladys had never seen someone try to puke and have a conversation at the same time. It was grisly, yet fascinating. Like an audit. “Anyway, I thought... I thought we could... talk. About the...”

  “Jaz, it can wait until you’re feeling better.” She ran cool water over a washcloth and handed it to him.

  “I just... want you to know... that I don’t let Jody... zap me... for anybody... ’cuz it’s horrible... it’s like being stuck... in a blender... with a hyena...”

  “It’s all right,” she soothed. “I’ll give you a ride back.”

  He shuddered, hunched over the toilet bowl. “I’m not leaving this bathroom, ever.”

  * * * * *

  “Feeling better?”

  He was sprawled on her couch. She’d pulled his boots off and tossed them in the hall closet.

  He cracked a red eye open. “Much. I’m amazed I didn’t die in there.”

  “Is there an emergency?”

  “Yeah. I was a dick, and I wanted to tell you that as soon as possible.” He shuddered. “Not the best plan, come to think of it.”

  “Jody’s a teleporter.”

  “Yeah, she can go wherever she’s been, or wherever the person she’s touching has been.”

  “I imagine moving through space like that, at speeds like that -- it looks to me like it wreaks havoc on the system.”

  “And the stomach. Jody can stand it better than anybody, but nobody likes to do it.”

  Gladys sat down beside him on the couch and patted his damp hand. “How sweet. All that vomiting, just for me.”

  “I was a dick.”

  “Yes, you were.”

  “I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

  “No, you shouldn’t.”

  “And you shouldn’t have tricked me.”

  Gladys thoughtfully bit her lower lip. “Well...”

  “Gladys!” he groaned. “Give me a little something. Anything.”

  “Well, I really do want a baby. And I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. In fact, after you stole my car, I was sure of it.”

  “I would have given it back. Eventually.” Then he added, “You could have called the cops.”

  “I didn’t want to have to pick out my baby’s father from a line-up,” she admitted. “It could have been awkward.”

  “To say the least! ‘Yes, Officer, the one on the right is the one who knocked me up and stole my car. I don’t mind about the first, but I’d like to get the car back.’ Ack!”

  Gladys smiled a little. “I admit, I was surprised you were so angry. And sad you were so angry.”

  “Look, it’s going to take some getting used to, okay? I mean, twelve hours ago, I only knew you by reputation. I never thought of you as a person like me, someone who, I dunno, hat
es --”

  “Broccoli,” she supplied helpfully.

  “And loves --”

  “Daisies.”

  “Right. Daisies, huh? Weirdo. And I’m not saying we have to, you know, get married or anything --”

  “Not until we’re sure you’ve stopped vomiting, at least.”

  “-- but if it turns out you’re not pregnant, I don’t want you running around looking for some other guy to seduce. I want to help you, okay? Not some dildo-brain from A-Block or whoever you were going to pick.”

  “You’re the only dildo-brain I want,” she said.

  “Oh, shut up. And help me go lie down. I’m dyin’, here.”

  She helped him up and he hobbled toward her bedroom. “You know,” she said, “you really could have taken the bus.”

  “Tell me.”

  But I’m so glad you didn’t. She was grinning ear-to-ear; it felt like Christmas and her birthday rolled into one. Sure, they had about a thousand hurdles to clear, but him being here with her was a grand start.

  He flopped down on her bed, then rolled over to look at her. “What’s the plan if you’re not pregnant?”

  “You know what they say.” She smiled at him, and his eyes actually lightened as she watched, got brighter as he smiled back. “Practice makes perfect.”

  MaryJanice Davidson

  MaryJanice Davidson is the award-winning author of several books, most recently Undead and Unemployed from Berkley, and The Royal Treatment from Brava. She currently writes for Loose Id, Kensington, and Berkley. She lives in Minneapolis with her husband and two children, and is currently working on her next book(s). She loves getting e-mails from readers at [email protected] and you can visit her Web site (and read lots of sample chapters!) at http://www.usinternet.com/users/alongi/.

  * * * * *

  SEDUCING THE SAINT

  Melissa Schroeder

  Dedication

  To the Quad:

  To Allie, for always being there when I needed to whine and gripe;

  To Doreen, for her thoughtful words of encouragement;